Why.. Everything that happened, is all my fault? I did nothing wrong. I have done nothing to people around me. Why it is always me at fault? I am trying my best to be the best mom, the best co-parent, the best daughter. Why is it not enough? What do they need me to do? What do I need to do to prove myself to them? I am a human being too. I have feelings. I have big feelings. I am stuck in the middle. Aizad & mom wont bugged.... What should I do? I am so sad. I am trying to be okay and civil to everyone but for once, can someone listen to me? Can someone actually see that I am too struggling here? Can someone see that I too need help?
I am hopeless. I am so tired to stay strong.
Should i just... end it all?
PUTRIYSMNE
SOMETIMES, ITS BETTER TO LEFT IT UNSAID
I Think....
I think my biggest red flag is that I never know how to talk about my feelings. When I'm going through something, I tend to stop talking to everyone till I feel okay again. I talk to myself in my head a lot about how I feel and I explain it well but, getting it to actualy come out my mouth is so hard. But, when Im okay, I'll start communicating again like nothing happened. It's not me being off with you, I just deal things better when I'm alone.
Im so used to doing things by myself. Constantly alone and not expecting anything from anyone. Im used to being ignored or left aside. Not that im the most approachable person you'll ever meet. Always quiet and on my own. But, when someone willingly stops what theyre doing to help me or be there for me without me asking, when they remember me, or when they say something nice and unexpected, it triggers a feeling inside my chest... As if my heart sighs. :(
It misses a beat and this unexpected sensation floats through my chest. I spend days thinking about these moments. How rare and unique they are.
I deserve more than waiting around for someone who wouldnt choose me first. i realized that the peace i was searching for was in me and that was enough. its true that i loved you so much but in the end i realized that sometimes when god takes people away from you its because they never deserve you. i finally understood that moving on wasnt about forgetting people, its all about focusing on myself. healing from the nightmare i lived all my life. appreciating all the good parts of life. i finally found all the missing pieces of me that was trying to find in everyone else. Finally, life wasnt all that bad.
Perhaps.. Im not used to being loved......
Im so used to doing things by myself. Constantly alone and not expecting anything from anyone. Im used to being ignored or left aside. Not that im the most approachable person you'll ever meet. Always quiet and on my own. But, when someone willingly stops what theyre doing to help me or be there for me without me asking, when they remember me, or when they say something nice and unexpected, it triggers a feeling inside my chest... As if my heart sighs. :(
It misses a beat and this unexpected sensation floats through my chest. I spend days thinking about these moments. How rare and unique they are.
I deserve more than waiting around for someone who wouldnt choose me first. i realized that the peace i was searching for was in me and that was enough. its true that i loved you so much but in the end i realized that sometimes when god takes people away from you its because they never deserve you. i finally understood that moving on wasnt about forgetting people, its all about focusing on myself. healing from the nightmare i lived all my life. appreciating all the good parts of life. i finally found all the missing pieces of me that was trying to find in everyone else. Finally, life wasnt all that bad.
She's toxic, right? But..
Was she toxic before you lied to her about another woman?
Was she toxic before you took advantage of the trust she had for you?
Was she toxic before she kept forgiving you for hurting her over and over again?
She was not toxic. You DRAINED the fuck out of that woman
You hurt that woman. You lied to her and continued to hurt her and made her question her worth and how dare you to expect her to be the same person she was in the beginning?
Was she toxic before you took advantage of the trust she had for you?
Was she toxic before she kept forgiving you for hurting her over and over again?
You hurt that woman. You lied to her and continued to hurt her and made her question her worth and how dare you to expect her to be the same person she was in the beginning?
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