2017 first post!

its been quite a while since the last time i have posted an entry in my blog. MasyaAllah, reading the previous post, i cannot imagine that i am actually now a wife to the greatest Aizad (disclaimer: greatest la kot, since he always dukung me back and forth pusing dalam rumah :P)
September 2016
we got married on September 2nd 2016 and month after that, im..... PREGNANT! alhamdulillah syukur Ya Allah. only God knows how thankful and blessed am i that time. teringat masa few weeks before noticed that im pregnant, i cried a lot. i did not eat that much. well, senang cerita semua tak kena la. i cannot eat rice, i taknak aizad dekat yada yada yada then we were like "ntah2 pregnant kot" and we were so happy yet nervous gila that time. yelaaaa baru sebulan lebih kahwin and tak pergi honeymoon lagi weh! macamana nak lovey dovey masa honeymoon nantiiiiiiiiii hahahaha! so the next day, lepas balik kerja. i went to Watsons and bought pregnancy test... didnt tell Aizad that im about to take the test. After subuh prayer, he went back to sleep and i went straight to the toilet. doa panjang wehhhh! dua tiga kali baca instructions. should i peed straight dekat test kit or pee dekat cawan hahahaha took the test and i waited for like 10 minutes. my kit was digital one so nampak la dia tulis calculating and alhamdulillah, i am pregnant!!!!!! shaking sgt sgt sgttttttt and dalam otak ligat fikir how to surprise him. thought tunggu sampai dia bangun but you know me, takkan boleh simpan lama :P woke him up and handed him the kit and ran and hide myself (dalam selimut je hahahaha) his reaction was priceless. we went out for breakfast and he cried. knowing that hes going to be a daddy soon and it was so happy to saw him that happy!
November 2016
8 weeks of pregnant. its time for honeymoon! it is going to be the best one, the sweetest one blablabla hahahaha tk weh! i was moody and grumpy all the time.. i just want to stay at hotel and cuddle. i dont want this. i dont want that.merampuh je kerja! last day of honeymoon trip, gaduh weh kat airport! macam apa je gaduh pasal phone misplaced!!!! hahahaha
January 2017
months after months, now im halfway through my pregnancy journey. 23 weeks dah yeay! i ate a lot. doubled my pants and tops size and i even wore his pants to work! now the baby is kicking.. moving. Alhamdulillah. semoga semua dipermudahkan. Cant wait for newborn shopping spree! we are now arguing about names. it should start with A, both agreed on that.. if its a boy, should we name him Alexander? or idk mannn. if its a girl, we both agreed to name her Anggun... cepat la next check up! i cannot wait to know my baby's gender!!!

"You need a little calm & I need a little crazy."

It's you. But, I never really thought it would be you. From day one, it was the two of us cracking jokes & coming at each other. You didn't like my outfit & I didn't like your attitude... so we were even. You've seen me at my worst- and on rare occasions.. at my best. You've seen me laughing and singing to Justin Bieber and you've also seen me crying over roti jala. Somehow, this did not stop you from being the best end to my 2015 & the best start to my 2016. I am so happy that your corny self asked me to be in a relationship with you face to face. Although it hasn't been long at all, It's hard to picture myself without you. You treat me like I am the best thing in the world. You make me feel like every day is worth living. You make little things exciting. Best of all, you put my anxiety at ease. So thank you. Thank you for being there when I'm happy, sad, pissed off, or somewhere in between. Thank you for understanding that some days I'm not leaving my house due to a stomach ache. Thank you for letting me sleep all day (even though I shouldn't be) Thank you for letting me scream when I'm having anxiety. Thank you for giving me a chance even though I'm 19. Thank you for understanding I need time with my girlfriends. Thank you for letting me mess you up in pool. Thank you for making me food when I'm hungry. Thank you for not tickling me although I know you want to. Thank you for adjusting my park job so your neighbor doesn't get mad. Thank you for repeating yourself when I say "what?" a million times, Thank you for encouraging me to do good in school. Thank you for talking me out of dropping out. Thank you for helping my mom shovel. Thank you for offering to drive me to work in the snow. Thank you for my sing-along partner. Thank you for answering me every time I say "papppaaaa" Thank you for laughing at old man jokes Thank you for wanting to be in every aspect of my life. Thank you for being so incredibly you.

Dear Heart,

I have a confession. You have been my guiding light through the past 22 years, helping me navigate some of life’s biggest challenges. But, tonight, we are facing one of our most difficult moments. You see, I haven’t been honest with you lately… I’ve lied to you over and over again. Hundreds of times, I’ve lied. And, it seems that no matter the scope, each one left you more bruised than the next. I convinced myself that the pain you were feeling wasn’t that bad. It could be worse. By lying to you, I thought I was protecting you. That’s the thing about lying, though. It didn’t protect you from anything. Instead, it stopped you from making informed choices. Then, when those choices led to pain, you were blindsided. You weren’t broken by the actions of others. No – you were broken because of my well-intention transgression. You’ve forgiven me though, remaining open to every new adventure. While dreams have changed, loves have ended, and memories have faded, you have retained your natural curiosity about what the next page in our story holds. You haven’t hardened as you’ve followed me through this turbulent journey. That’s probably because, unlike me, you have known all along what we were searching for. While I was searching for a storybook romance, you have been searching for this girl we once knew. Sweet and kind, smart and driven – she got lost somewhere along the way. That girl understood that you were a compass that would help her find true north. That girl understood that being honest with you would help her build a strong character. And, through listening to you, that girl understood that everything else would fall into place at the right moment. Happiness wasn’t to be found in another person. Instead, true happiness derives itself from a healthy relationship with you. And, the hardest truth of all is admitting that the girl we lost used to be me. I lost myself when I tried to force fate to happen on a time table. When I couldn’t fit life’s variables into my perfect road map of a five-year plan, I tried to convince you we weren’t lost. I tried to convince you everything was normal and we were on the right track. But, that has led us down a sad path. So, today, I’m letting you become the guide again. I recognize now, that happiness with another can only endure if I am true to you and the direction in which you lead me. Heart, I promise to listen to you. I promise to tell you the truth about what is happening. While it may hurt, I promise it will heal the wounds you’ve suffered. And, after you’ve had that time to heal, I promise we will be stronger. I promise we will be happy.