Oh my god.... i was sweating for a second cause i thought i lost access to my blog. thank god i remembered i have another google account and here i am! A lot of things have changed aftr my 2017 post...
i am no longer someone's wife!?!? hahaha but, im a mother now! a mother of a beautiful 7 years old daughter. i freaking cooked that girl in my tummy!! hahaha! where do i begin?....
I think when i posted my previous post, I was halfway thru my pregnancy....? okay, confirmed.. i checked haha! after that post, all went south. The amount of mental, emotional and physical abused. involvement of the third party. been the breadwinner yet still got shit on. thats story for another day. tho no one is reading, let's just pretend that i have some solid audience k. cut me some slack haha! I will never understand what love really means. I thought love was when someone scolded you. Someone ordered you around. Someone belittled you. Curse you. The list goes on. For almost 30 years, that was love meant for me. That was my core belief. So, I fell into the same pattern. I caught myself falling for an abusive man, and I craved external validation. It was exhausting. I was abused – physically, mentally, and emotionally. And I kept up with it because I've been taught that way. To make someone love you, you must earn it. You must sacrifice your body, mind, and soul. Your world has to revolve around them. I was addicted to the feelings of the highs. And the crashing lows. I thought that was what I wanted. Only now, I realized, I didn’t love him. I was craving for the abusive pattern.
anyway,
i am much happier now. i do feel lonely when nights i dont have my daughter with me but it is what it is. life happens and i just have to keep living. theres one thing im unsure of now.. i dont know what the fuck am i doing with my life. i honestly done with corporate job. ohhh! i started a business!! small one but i loveeeee it!! mine is called Cluck & Curls! picture this; a perfectly fried chicken topped with, crisp pickles, fresh salad greens, and a generous drizzle of our secret sauce. all sandwiched between crispy hashbrown waffles!! im excited to see where this leads to but im optimistic!!
i'll keep you posted! xoxo!